Twenty-Three

I remember New Year’s Eve before Y2K. Computers were going to explode, clocks ceasing to tell time. Even pastors called Jesus out on his whole “thief in the night” routine. The world as we knew it was either going to be destroyed or changed forever. We were living in turbulent times, and I –at twelve- was bracing for the worst. With all my stuffed animals gathered safely in my arms, I squinted my eyes real hard and watched the blurry numbers on my clock usher in the New Year. And, of course, nothing happened.

I’ve started a new birthday tradition since I’ve been in Nashville. On my birthday I write a list of my favorite memories from the past year, one memory for every year I’ve been alive. Last year writing my list inspired me to drag out all my old journals from my entire life and pour over them for hours. I’ve kept lists my whole life, because, let’s face it, they’re fun. You either find a fun personality quiz online or you write a list about your life. That’s the way it works. So I started finding little “Life Plans” I’d written over the years, some from elementary days, some from just recently. And as I began to compare these plans, I made one shocking discovery. Not one of them ever stretched past my twenty-third birthday. I got real close but apparently thought life stopped at twenty-three.

This past year has been like waiting for Y2K, without the worldwide panic. [I’m guessing none of you were running around worrying about what would happen to me after 10/22/2010] It was a terrifying year packed with change and a lot of things that I’d honestly like to forget. I thought for sure it was leading up to the Grand Finale, the big explosion. The “black hole of my life” [as some have heard it called] was on its way, and it was coming fast.

On October 21, I fell asleep around 10:30, way too tired to watch for midnight. I woke up at 6:30 on October 22. Alive. No black holes in sight. I had a lovely birthday, and here I am two weeks later.

All this twenty-third birthday hoo-hah has really got me thinking. For whatever reason, God subtly put a cap on my life plans, and he’s done it for years. While this past year I’ve been shuddering at the thought of “What happens next?” He’s been waiting for me to catch up. See, I did catch up. I found him standing on the edge of this cliff, really high up. And it’s looking over this endless valley. Beautiful colors, beautiful trees and sky. And finally He told me, really quietly, that now I’m free. I’m free from all those scary plans and the beauty in this valley is the rest of my life, sitting there waiting.